I sneezed the other day and someone standing nearby said, "God bless you". It made me think why did saying "God bless you" become the correct thing to say after a sneeze. When we sneeze, hundreds upon thousands of germs come flying out of our noses at up to 100 miles per hour! So why not say "Duck!", "Run!" or "Incoming!"?
As it turns out, the expression begun in the 6th century by Pope Gregory the Great. In those days when someone sneezed, they were immediately blessed ("God bless you!") in the hope that they would not catch the plague. Mystery solved. Or so I thought.
But all this did was raise more questions, like:
- If someone sneezes, I say "God bless you". Then that person sneezes again and there is that awkward moment where I don't know if I am supposed to say it again. And what happens when they sneeze 3 or 4 times in a row. What is the cut-off number for "God bless you"s?
- Some people just say "Bless you". Are they saying this because they are lazy, trying to be politically correct or just think they are ordained enough to bless people on their own?
- If I sneeze and someone blesses me, am I required to say, "thank you"? And if I don't, will that person be offended and not bless me the next time I sneeze?
- If someone sneezes and I don't say anything, am I a "sneeze snob"?
I started to ask around to see if I could discover what is considered proper sneeze etiquette. Did you know that some people believe that when someone sneezes his or her heart stops and that the "God bless you" is a short way of saying, "It is good to see that your heart started again." Or, that saying "God bless you" when you sneeze keeps the devil away from your temporarily expelled soul. After Hearing all of these unique theories, I have decided to come up with the following set of sneeze standards:
- When someone sneezes, you are required to say your blessing only once. This also covers you for any subsequent sneezes that may or may not occur within the next 2 minutes.
- Since a sneeze launches thousands of germ into the air, I believe the blessing should be, "God bless us all" because we are now ALL exposed to those germs. This will also eliminate the need for thank you's because the blessing isn't directed at the sneezer only, but everyone in a 10 foot radius.
- I think an "Amen", "I feel ya" or that wave you give someone when they let you merge into their lane is good form, but NOT a requirement.
- If you sneeze, please cover your mouth with your arm rather than your hands. That way I don't have to keep track of all the things you touched immediately after you sprayed your hands in germs and snot.
- If someone sneezes and you do not acknowledge it, Yes, you are a "sneeze snob" and should be called out for it.
If you feel that my "modest proposal" makes sense, please feel free to pass it along to everyone you know so that we can start making them part of our everyday lives.
Thanks and "God bless us all"
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