The other day I happened upon a gentleman who had a case of the hiccups. Why is it when someone has the hiccups, everyone around them must stop what they are doing and start emergency hiccup “CPR”? We don’t do that when someone coughs. You never see someone sneeze and then two people immediately tell them to plug their nose and jump up and down on one foot until you don’t sneeze any more.
Well I think I have figured it out. It is not that we are all concerned for the hiccupper’s well-being, as much as, we just want them to stop annoying us with that freakin’ noise. It’s the equivalent of audio waterboarding.
So in our desperation to rid ourselves of this brain-numbing sound, we turn to witchcraft, voodoo or any other unholy methods to save our sanity. Can you believe that people believe that the following will actually work (and swear that a friend of a friend has seen it work):
- Some say drinking about a half a teaspoon of pickle juice every 7-10 seconds until your hiccups stop or you have a sodium induced stroke. Either way, hiccups are gone.
- Some say sticking out your tongue and yanking on it will stop hiccups. Try it! It’s like trying to hang on to a 2 pound slug with an attitude. Good Luck!
- Still others believe that tickling a person will get rid of hiccups. Sounds great if it’s your girlfriend, not so much when it’s your boss. Although promotions have been given for less.
- And then, of course, there is Dr. Boo. You know, the guy that tries to scare the hiccups out of you. Dude, after the first attempt, I know it’s coming. Just stop it. I wonder if slapping someone up side the head cures hiccups?
- Here’s my favorite. Some people believe that you simply have to focus on an object with your full attention. While maintaining your concentration, think, “Hiccups are okay. Hiccups are not harmful. They can be overcome.” And tada, the hiccups are gone. I bet you have to pay $9.95 for that one. But on the bright side, you get an amazing kitchen cleaner ABSOLUTELY FREE! That’s a $30 value!
Okay, here’s the thing: hiccups are an involuntary spasm of the diaphragm and usually go away on their own within a few minutes. The above remedies simply provide us with something to do during that few minutes and, at best, help to change the breathing pattern of the hiccuper. Thus raising the level of carbon dioxide in the body which speeds the recovery process.
As always, I am here to bring clarity to those little things in life. So the next time to happen upon a hiccupper, simply turn to them and ask, “Have you ever considered that financial advantages of owning your own time share?” The look of real panic on their face and the ensuing 40 yard dash will be all the distraction and change in breathing pattern they will need to eliminate any sign of the dreaded hiccups. Again, I hope that, in some small way, this will help you to now live fuller, richer lives.
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